i'll never forgive you for murdering me


unless you appologize.








you're never going to appologize.

i know the last page so well, i can't read the first

"everything's gonna get lighter, even if it never gets better."

"maybe, in the future, you're gonna come back around."

"dirt tries to love everything, but it's only dirt."

i live in east brunswick now with a bunch of bros. i have the master bedroom. it takes me 15 minutes to get to work everyday.

i got a promotion at work. i now make something resembling a living wage. i can afford to buy myself nice things now.
this also sets the trend that i have gotten a promotion every year since i have been with the company.

i am on my first real vacation week since i started working.

i am a legitimate adult and it feels awesome.

i have been single and without a date for about two years now, and i don't mind. companionship would be nice though.

16 year olds still flock to me for some reason.

my social life has boomed, i am well known, i have a ton of friends, a ton of people i can actually tolerate, and something to do whenever i'm looking for any of it.

i had a house warming party about a week ago, and my house was FULL of people. that felt amazing.

any substance abusive habbits i've had have gone away. granted, i still drink, i still smoke, i still burn, i still blow, but it's all recreational, and all under control. i don't need any of it. i am once again in control of myself.
this comes from purging myself and my life from all undesireable situations and people.
that hurt for a while, but i finally learned how to let go.

i've also learned that you can let go of people that are poision for you, even if you still love them. maybe one day someone specific will realize what he's done wrong with his life, have some realizations, fix his own life, appologize for ruining mine for a short while, and we can be cool again. until that happens, i have no desire to be around him, or hear from him. i hope he comes to his senses eventually.




and that's basically my life. i'm still not happy, but for the first time, i am content. things are starting to come to fruition, and i've never felt better.

every single thing i do still reminds me of you.

i know the last page so well, i can't read the first.

i hear your name, and i'm falling over.

he looks so nice, i wish i had friends like that, they'd always be there for me...

he looks so nice, i wish i had friends like that, they'd always be there for me...

I had a friend who changed his name but couldn't change himself ... He put a needle in his arm to calm his handsome hell.

I had a friend who changed his name but couldn't change himself ... He put a needle in his arm to calm his handsome hell.

the sky looks pissed, the wind talks balk. my bones are shifting in my skin...

the sky looks pissed, the wind talks balk. my bones are shifting in my skin...

the pain in my chest starts whenever i see your eyes.

do you know what it's like to fall on the floor? cry your guts out till you got no more? hey man, now you're really living.

head will collapse, when there's nothing in it

are you gonna jump, jump, jump out the window, or burn, burn, burn with the furniture?

is this the way i'll always be?